she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
