What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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