My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
