Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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