Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
