we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
