he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
