I wish I only lived at night.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
