I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
