And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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