He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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