Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I need moral support for this bender
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
