We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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