So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
