She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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