we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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