It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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