did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
