Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
