Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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