That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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