does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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