that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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