Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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