Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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