she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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