You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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