I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
