then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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