Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
