Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
