you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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