Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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