When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
