I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
