At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
