Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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