East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wish there were birth control emojis
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
