her vagine was all disorganized.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
