just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
