So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
