There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
