sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
