those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
someone owes me an orgasm
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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