At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
