the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
