Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
