Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
