So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What a dumb baby whore.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
