Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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