U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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