We're like a lot better than the average bears
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
