I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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