The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
