See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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