What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
