Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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