id be glad to
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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