so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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