I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He did a backflip because drugs
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