Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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