this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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